It Starts with YOU

Self-care for parents… because if you don’t take care of yourself how do you expect to take care of anyone else?

I am not reinventing the wheel with this subject. Self-care is a hot topic these days! We are re-establishing what it means to take care of ourselves so we can better serve the world with the work we do (parenting or otherwise). This article is particularly geared towards parents. I am a mum and this has been something I’ve learned through being a parent. That being said, everyone can benefit from giving themselves some quality replenish time, especially if your work requires a lot of giving (teaching, nursing, coaching etc).

I am writing this because this is the article I wish I’d read four years ago when I was a new mum and overwhelmed. I had no idea how to take care of myself as well as be a good parent and partner. I was frazzled and anxious. This information would have been out there somewhere, but it didn’t cross my path. Maybe one of you reading this today could use this info to better navigate this season of your life.  It starts with nourishing yourself physically, mentally, spiritually or creatively.

At some point all of us have depleted ourselves by taking care of our family, by work or if some aspect of our life is out of balance. Especially with young kids, so many things in the immediate take precedent over deeper-level nourishment. Dirty diapers / nappies, dishes in the sink, making food, laundry piling up and messes everywhere… I’m sure a few of you can relate to this feeling of chaos! Raising children is a consuming task.

However, with a bit of planning and prioritizing, a lot of things are possible.

So let’s start with what the term ‘self-care’ actually means. When I first heard this word, my initial feeling was that it was a selfish concept. I was the mama giving every moment to the family, isn’t it better to give everyone everything they need? Isn’t it selfish to do something for yourself? Doesn’t everyone need me every moment of the day???!! (seriously!)

It’s not selfish to take care of yourself because when you do your capacity to give becomes more expansive and of higher quality. If we run ourselves dry, that’s when we don’t show up as the parent or partner we want to be. We cannot give from a place of needing, just as we cannot give water from an empty cup. Also, the quality of the energy we show up with affects everyone around us.  

It is in this environment that you can show up more steady and more grounded as a parent. At the same time you are demonstrating a role model that goes for a run early in the morning or takes the time to stop and have a cup of tea. 

We can all show up a bit better for ourselves and our family and it just takes a bit of looking at where there are possibilities.

Now it’s time to get some real paper and a pen and ask yourself the following:

• Where is there free time in your day?  
• Where can you MAKE some free time? For example, getting up 20 minutes before kids do or taking away an already existing activity that feels like a time-waster.
• How are you spending your free time now?
• What are your priorities? 
• What priorities would you have if you honoured your self care and creativity?
• Who can you ask for help? (From your partner, family member, friend)
• Can you schedule 1-2 little self-care dates with yourself? Even if it means doing 15 minutes of yoga at nap time, or doing some art / music / fishing… we’re talking quality activities that give you deeper level nourishment.
• What daily choices can you make to raise your level of health? See my previous post on wellness for some ideas.
• How do you want to look back at this time?

And now to explain:

All of these things play a role in how you feel about yourself. Your energy sets the vibe of your life and you have a choice!

Find your free time: Especially if you are a primary parent and your kids are at home with you, free time is when you have to make a choice on how you are going to spend your time. Nap times, when the kids are playing nicely or if you have someone who you can ask for help you can make more free time.

And dig a bit deeper, mornings and nights when your time affects no one is a great place to start if you feel bombarded by the day.

Your priorities now are how you are spending your time now. It’s good to look at what you choose to do when you do have time. You will see quickly if your priorities now align with what you think your actual priorities are. For instance, if you have a creative work interest or you want to stay fit, are you using your free time to do those things or play on social media or shop online? The priority goes first and the other stuff after.  

Yes there are always the household tasks that need to get done. I can say for myself that a crazy disorderly house feels rotten so that may be a priority to take into account.

As we have less free time we need to manage ourselves better.

Make a list of your top priorities for feeling good and replenishing your energy and put them on your fridge. Writing them out gives them life and seeing them often is a good reminder.

And I hope this gets you started in starting with you… knowing that the energy you bring into your day effects everyone and everything around you.

Note: For parents with kids under the are of 2.

Relax, you are doing a great job. Self-care is also taking care of the moment and finding some peace in the whirlwind. Do the best you can. It feels good to know you are doing the best you can! Your life involves tiny human beings that need a lot of care and so you may start by just having a little 5 minute time for tea or a bath here or there. Start small, bring nourishing activities into your family that you can do together. Most mornings I’ve been starting the day with a small yoga practice, this usually involves both kids on the mat or on me…! and we have a stretch and take some deep breaths together… well sort of! But I never regret starting the day this way. It’s a way to anchor myself and set the tone for the day. It teaches the kids that we get up and have a stretch.

Honour your intuition, which is a wonderful tool that is given to us to help navigate through all the unknown experiences we go through.

Get some perspective. Think about how you want to look back at this season of your life.  Embrace this time that is child-focussed, they are sponges learning from the way you relate to them. They are only going to be this little once, it’s a time to cherish. Stop and read them a book, stop and lay in the sun with them, take a breath before responding to challenging situations. And then when a little moment arises and you can breathe, do that. Ask yourself ‘what is the best thing I can do with this time?’ (it might mean putting your phone on airplane mode!)

And as they grow from teeny tiny to little you may start to feel there is more and more breathing space to consider how you can add a bit more YOU time into the picture. 

See my blog post on health: Amplify your Creativity with Wellness if you’d like some more ideas on raising your level of wellbeing!